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|The ANSWER to the MOST ASKED QUESTION|
an you guess what question teens ask us more than any other?
Give up? You probably guessed it as soon as you read the title! And yes, you are correct. The most asked question is: "I really like this person, but I don't know if he [or she] likes me. How can I get him to like me as much as I like him?"
Why should this be the most asked question? On the other hand, what is wrong with a teen wanting to know how to attract the opposite sex? Of course, nothing is wrong with knowing, at least as long as the reason you want to know is the right reason, and you apply the information in the right way, and at the right time.
And further, perhaps the reason so many ask this question is that no one has ever told you the answer! If that is so, and it probably is, then you strongly deserve the answer. So here it is, the answer to the most asked question.
Q. How can a person make someone of the opposite sex like him or her?
A. You can't That's right, you can't. You cannot "get" members of the opposite sex to like you. Nor can you "trap" them or "trick" them into liking you, at least not for too long, and not for real.
Please don't misunderstand. We are not saying that you are helpless to find friends of the opposite sex, or that you are doomed to a life of loneliness as a bachelor or spinster. We are only saying that you cannot make someone like you, but there is much you can and should do if you are to someday find the person of your dreams to live with as husband and wife.
You cannot get someone of the opposite sex; you must attract him or her. And you can only attract others by becoming the type of person others wish to know, both now and in the future. A lot of people have tried to get others to like them. It's the usual approach in our society, and the approach probably most common in your school.
But in the end trying to get someone to like you doesn't work because it is based on temporary and superficial things: You must look a certain way or do a certain thing, rather than reallybe a certain way.
The Common Approach
For girls, this common approach means you must dress in the latest and most expensive styles, be a cheerleader or on the student council. And for too many girls it means that they must act flirty, seem sexy and maybe dress seductively. And to keep the attention of the boys whom such actions seem to get, they must do things on dates like necking or petting, or more.
For the boys, this means you must be considered good looking, maybe be a star on the school teams and perhaps own a car and have lots of money. And it means you must take out the right girls to the right places and make sexual advances on dates even if you really feel wrong about it.
All of these approaches are simply gimmicks to try to get the attention of members of the opposite sex. And they may work, for a while. But the quality of the person you attract by superficial methods won't be high, and the relationship won't last. This has been the cause of far too many painful breakups.
Rather, the best approach is simply to become a person of quality who is a real prize for someone else of quality. This means that you must work on yourself in every aspect to improve yourself.
Jesus Christ taught this same important principle, in less romantic terms, in Luke 6:38 (New King James Bible) when he said: "Give, and it will be given to you: good measure, pressed down, shaken together, and running over will be put into your bosom. For with the same measure that you use it will be measured back to you."
When this principle is applied to the subject of romance, this verse means that if you develop yourself to where you are an attractive, kind, friendly, warm, talented person-that is, if you have nice qualities else-others who have these same qualities will be attracted to you and will like you. This means, of course, that you should diligently improve, for example, your looks. Lose weight, exercise, find a hairstyle that is flattering. It is a shame that most young people don't realize-and most adults don't either-that no on is unattractive if he or she takes pains to find a look and style that works for him or her.
But don't stop there. No, go ahead and diligently work on your personality. Read books about being friendly and dealing with people. And learn how to treat other teens so they feel friendly toward you! And do even more. Develop your mind by reading and studying and getting good grades. Completely develop yourself and you will be a prize that someone else wants desperately to win. Instead of trying to get a friend, you will have so much to give that others will try to get you!
By now, it will be obvious that this concept of becoming something special-a prize for others to win-is a long term project. And that is one reason that teens haven't yet found the man or woman of their dreams. They simply haven't developed yet to the point where they are the jewel that others want. But that is fine, because that is the way it is supposed to be. Young people shouldn't be looking to marry yet, or even to go steady yet.
Training for tomorrow
Young people are supposed to be training to become, down the road when they are adults, the ideal mate for someone else.Therefore, teenage is the time for development, and not merely an arena for romance.
I could not allow myself to complete this without telling you why I wrote it. I received a very nice letter from a friend I knew back in my teen years in college. She wrote in part: "What prompted me to write [to you] was a question...about a teenager who felt left out because she had no boyfriend.
"I thought [your answer] was spot on in directing her to develop herself for the future and not worry about the present. This thought, in turn, caused me to think about the double standard of the teenage years. Most teenagers want desperately to be popular and will go to almost any lengths to become so. Smoking, drinking, giving or taking liberties with the opposite sex, dressing immodestly to attract, etc., are almost always done to be popular only to find that later in life the men and women most sought after for marriage are those who have not done such things. In other words, cheap popularity doesn't last!"
"Cheap Popularity Doesn't Last"
Did you read her last sentence carefully? Cheap popularity doesn't last!" Her letter got me thinking. I had seen a big pile of questions from many teens, all asking in their own way, how to be popular with members of the opposite sex. Perhaps I took them too lightly. Perhaps, I thought to myself, I should write an article to answer these questions.
So I did.
The irony of this subject is that not only does it answer the "most asked question," it also gives the "most neglected answer." For only a relatively few people ever put this simple advice into practice.
But you can be among those few. If you do, you will reap the benefits of close friendships now and a happy marriage in the future.