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What is intimacy? It is the S word of S words. Intimacy is
S-H-A-R-I-N-G. Sharing is true intimacy.
Sharing is simply the experience of giving to another. You are intimate when you give to your marital partner. When you give you are sharing part of yourself.
missing in your marriage?
s your marriage as happy as you would like? Is there something missing in your relationship, but you can't put your finger on it? Do you feel like you are drifting apart? - many couples live in the same house, but are miles apart. How can you grow closer to your mate and experience true marital bliss? The answer is intimacy.
Now you may be thinking, We already have intimacy, and at least one of us enjoys it. But that is not true intimacy. I will define true intimacy later, and I think you will be surprised. True intimacy is the missing dimension in many marriages.
Origin of Marriage
The key to understanding intimacy lies in the great purpose of marriage. what kind of institution does your marriage picture-a divine institution or a mental institution? Is your marriage "made in heaven" or driving you crazy? Did you even realize that your marriage is supposed to be a divine institution?
The key to living happily in marriage is living the way the God family lives. Jesus said, "I and My Father are one" (John 10:30). They have oneness of approach, oneness of purpose and oneness of mind. This is the goal of marriage. The God family - God the Father and Jesus Christ - have lived together in harmony. They want human beings to experience the same happiness. So they have given us their gift of marriage.
Where do you think the concept of marriage came from? According to the Bible it is not a human invention, but a creation of God.
Where Is You Marriage Going?
If you do not know where you are going, you will probably end up somewhere else. How true it is! Many marriages fail because they start out not knowing where they are going. This is a major reason couples divorce and end up somewhere else. What is the most important goal of marriage? Let's listen for the answer in the first marriage ceremony, recorded in the first book of the Bible. As God united Adam and Eve in holy matrimony he said,"Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh" (Gen 2:24).
There is the answer. The purpose of marriage is for two individuals to become one flesh, to become one mind and spirit - become one in every facet of life. Notice, God said "become." He is telling us that complete oneness is a process. It does not happen on the wedding night - it happens over a lifetime.
No wonder so many marriages end before they begin. Most people have missed what marriage is all about. If they only knew that becoming one in marriage is a lifelong process, there would be few divorces. But now you know, and you can set your sights on achieving over a lifetime oneness with your mate.
The "S" Word
Intimacy develops oneness. And what is intimacy? It is the S word of S words. Intimacy is S-H-A-R-I-N-G. Often we confuse intimacy with sex. Most people do. This is why most people have problems in marriage. Intimacy is much more than sex, and it's vastly more satisfying. In fact, intimacy gives meaning to sex in marriage. Most have falsely assumed sex creates intimacy.
Sharing is simply the experience of giving to another. You are intimate when you give to your marital partner. When you give, you are sharing part of yourself. As your partner receives your gift he or she is receiving a part of you, and at that moment and through countless instances of sharing you become one through intimacy.
Giving by sharing is true love. And love is the catalyst that binds couples as one. The apostle Paul said, "But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection" (Col. 3:14). Loving, giving and sharing will bind you together forever.
Now let's consider what marriage is in light of this definition of intimacy. Marriage is the experience of two people sharing life together for the purpose of becoming one. Remember, "No man (or woman) is an island, no man (or woman) stands alone."
Wise King Solomon observed: "Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; but how can one be warm alone?" (Eccl. 4:9,11). Truly two hearts are better than one as they beat as one in an intimate loving marriage. Two people will be happier and more fulfilled working together to achieve life's goals.
Commit to developing an intimate marriage. Commitment is the strength of intimacy. Without it you will give up before two ever become one. We marry with a lifetime in mind, and it takes a lifetime of intimate sharing to become one. Commitment will power you through the rough times and tie you together when you want to part.
When thoughts of leaving arise, you can make them subside by remembering your commitment. God can make you one. You need God your creator and the creator of marriage to achieve genuine intimacy. It takes three to make an intimate marriage. You, God and your marital partner. With God at the center, your marriage can have incredible staying power.
Look at the strength of three: "Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken" (Eccl. 4:12). Intimately share with God. Pray together each day by talking to God about the things occurring in your life. Share the talks with God between the two of you, taking turns in your intimate conversation with him.
Let God talk to both of you by sharing Bible study together. Discuss the principles you learn and how to apply them in your lives. As you have no doubt noticed this article uses the word God as the foundation of its approach to marriage. But what if you mate is not interested in God? His or her lack of interest does not remove God from the marriage. "For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy" (I Cor. 7:14).
God blesses and influences the whole family even if only one believes.
Share God with your nonbelieving spouse by your living, not your preaching. Let the spouse experience God through sharing God in you, rather than hearing about God from you. The light of God in you will radiate to your partner and light us his or her life. So wether directly or indirectly, become one with your mate by intimately sharing God.
Self-sacrifice is also an element in producing intimacy. For two to become one, self and selfish motivation must be sacrificed for the good of the marriage. Marriage is the experience of two people sharing the same life together - not separately. You have to start thinking "we," not "I." "Us," not "me." It means analyzing what you think and do. We have to ask: "Is this best for both of us or just for me?"
Live to give to your marital partner. Ask God to give you his unselfish love. Ask him to make you addicted to giving love. Let satisfying your partner's need become your need. Get hooked on the thrill that comes form giving. By sacrificing your self you gain a new focus on intimacy. It is important to experience even the tragedies of life together. Sometimes when difficulty hits, we withdraw and try facing it alone. But we need to share the problem - experience it together.
Sharing under pressure makes for depth in any relationship. Experience the triumphs of life together. Sharing the good times and joys of life will bring you closer together.
Stop and take inventory of your marriage and your life's activities. How many things do you do together? How many things do you do apart? Perhaps it's time to make a plan and take action. Exercise together, play together, work together. Whatever the experience, share it and it will make you one.